New Year List

Tucker is busy putting together a list for his New Year's resolutions. He has even put some together for his siblings. This Year, Tucker has added the following to his list:

1. Be less stinky.
2. Act more like a young gentleman; act less like a young ruffian.
3. Share more cookie treats with less fortunate dogs.
4. Spend less time on the bed while his parents are out.

For his sister, Dexter, Tucker has compiled the following list:

1. Stop being so mean to Tucker.
2. Try to eat other dogs less.

For his brother, YHP, Tucker has created this list:

1. Sleep on Tucker's bed less.
2. Stop attacking Tucker for no good reason.
3. Be less short. Ha ha.

For his littlest brother, Baron von Dachshund, Tucker has made this list:

1. Smell less bad.
2. Bogart less of mom's time so others can get a pet or two.
3. Snore less.
4. Eat more vegetables, less other things.

And for Tucker's ...other brother, Chester Copperpots, he made the following:

1. Act less like a cat.
2. Attack Tucker's tail less.

Tucker feels pretty good about his list and thinks 2009 will be a good year for him. Year of the Tucker!

Yay X-Mas

X-Mas has finally arrived and young Tucker is very excited. He and his siblings teamed up with the guest, Sasha, to wake his parents to go play with gifts at 4:30 this morning. Tucker knew the time was close because he got to bark at Santa Claus riding a fire truck last night. That is a good indicator of a chronic unraveling in his understanding of temporal progression.

Anyhow, Tucker rushed out to the living room to sniff out his cookie treats and to be the first to lay in his new plush beds. Everything was just as he asked for it and he was more than happy to share with his siblings, who, most likely received little more than coal themselves.

After breakfast and a few nice naps, Tucker and his family are going to take nice walks around the neighborhood. He is going to brag to all the dogs he meets all the great stuff he got from Santa this year. He has already steeled himself not to be too preachy. But he is willing to somehow distill his secrets of success into a narrative that may or may not fetch him paid speaking engagements or a book deal. Better yet, he may be able to get on the "life coach" circuit after this holiday season success. And then he would be rich and could buy even more gifts for himself and his family.

Now Tucker can't wait 'til next X-Mas to double his return and build his multimedia / inspirational speech empire.

New Kid

Tucker and his siblings are being visited by a new kid this holiday season. Their new friend, Sasha, is a likable sort of kid who enjoys following Tucker around. In fact, Sasha likes to follow Tucker as Tucker follows his dad from room to room. This dual flanked dog status does seem to perplex and vex Tucker's dad as he seems to get trapped in certain rooms with narrow doorways more easily than usual.

Sasha is big fluffy white. His white makes Tucker seem dirty like a street urchin.

Sasha likes to eat breakfast and dinner with the gang and seems to keep to his own bowl, which is good. Included in the other things the holiday guest likes to do are: curl up at the dad's feet; run about the yard like a crazy fool; play funny games; and everyone's favorite game --hey, you peed there, so I will too!

Yuletide Concerns

Dear Santa,

Thank you for all the nice things you have given me over the years. I really really appreciate them. Thank you for my brothers and sister and my pretty mother and that guy she says is my dad. I like them all quite a lot.

Now to get down to business. I would like some special things this year because unlike the brothers and sister, I have been really good. I don't get on the furniture half as much as Dexter, and I only go on the bed when chasing YHP. All other times I really am being quite good. So to tell you exactly, if you would really like to know, what I want for the holidays is a new bed. Baron and YHP have a donut shaped bed that is the envy of my eye. But I am more than 2 times too big for it and I flop out the sides. A new, bigger donut bed would sure hit the mark this year. I would not sneeze at anything else you provide in addition to this bed, such as cookie treats or extra pets.

In closing, I hope you make the smart decision this year Santa and provide me with the simple objects I require to continue being a good dog.

Your Loyal Fan,
Tucker.

P.S. And please bring something nice for the other kids. Not that I am opposed to sharing per se, but I think they would like something to inspire them to be good for next year.

Help the Humans This Holiday Season

Tucker has noticed something disturbing and sad about humans. Every time he tries to talk with them, they don't seem to understand what he is saying. Even his parents, with whom he interacts daily, only seem to track every fourth or fifth word. And even then, Tucker's more complex thoughts get distilled down to the basest needs. When his parents (who are genetically closer to monkeys than canines, after all) try to rephrase his statements as questions, they ask, "Tucker want to outside?" and "you want pets good boy?" and the one that makes Tucker sit down and sigh is when they ask, "you gotta go bathroom little man?"

Not only is it frustrating for Tucker, but a little insulting. Sometimes Tucker likes to work out his theories on the new physics techniques of jet propulsion and the correlative soico-economic impact it creates among developing nations in the Socratic method through dialogue. It chaps his hide to think that the only input his parents have revolves round petting, feeding and excreting bodily fluids.

Luckily for Tucker, his siblings are all very intelligent and somewhat conversive. After they have their morning coffeee, of course. This isn't to say all dogs are more intelligent than humans and better at expressing themselves. Only that most dogs are. Tucker is personally worried about the stunted mental abilities of the neighborhood dogs, especially that weird banjo playing pack of Cocker Spaniels who linger about the back gate smoking cigarettes and drinking home made liquor. They may have evolved from squirrels after all.

Sorry Sad

This post is officially written by YHP with what his lawyers have told him to express as his "absolute regret and sadness" for his transgressions on this fine blog. He "unconditionally apologizes" to Tucker and his scores of loyal fans for "besmirching, defacing, and otherwise being stinky upon" his brother's blog.

So, there you have it. A first ever for YHP -- remorse for his actions. Becuase he does care for his brother and hopes he can forgive his cyber attack last week.

Sincerely,
YHP (the King)

Where She go?

Tucker padded about he house all day yesterday looking for his mom. He went from room to room and poked his nose in. But she was not in any of the rooms. He went to go ask his dad where his mom was and his dad said something unintelligible in his odd monkey-like language. Tucker sighed a heavy sigh. Without his mom here, who is going to make sure he's warm and safe in his bed at night?

Tucker was so worried that he asked YHP to help him find her. They ran all over the yard looking for her. And then they got distracted and started chasing squirrels and barking at the neighbor dogs. And then they came inside and played. As they were going to bed last night, Tucker noticed Baron looking quite alert and sad. Baron told Tucker that their mom went on vacation and she would be back soon. So Tucker shouldn't worry. This only made Tucker worry more. Why would mom go on a vacation without Tucker and his siblings? They love her. They decorate the house for her while she is at work and keep the furniture warm for her while she is away. And they yell, " Surprise! " at her when she comes home. Boy they have some good fun together.
YHP told Tucker not to worry. With their dad in charge for a couple of days, they will be able to get away with murder. YHP said he already had an intergalactic kegger and a "Monte Carlo" themed fundraiser planned for the week. YHP said Tucker can make some extra scratch valet parking for the guests at these and other high-end events this week. Tucker is glad to have an older brother who looks out for Tucker's business needs.

Stupid rain Make Tucker Sad

Tucker would like to let the world know that the rain doesn't bother him directly. It bothers his brothers and sister, and makes them not want to play outside with him when it comes down. And that makes him sad. Tucker thinks rain days should be saved for the times he doesn't want to go outside. That way he can always have sunshine and fun to play "catch the stick out my mouth" with his best friends.

Cyber Attack!

Tucker awoke this morning with his heart filled with joy and pride, as he does every morning. But quickly, he realized something was fishy. His little brother YHP seems unusually smirky and laughy at him and Tucker was perplexed. Until he went to the computer to write his stories and saw what YHP had done to his webpage.

YHP had cyber attacked poor Tucker. The menacing little guy had computer hacked his account and posted cruel and erroneous information. Tucker felt angry, sad, somewhat hungry, a little distracted by some blinky thing he could see out the corner of his eye, and worst of all, he felt like he had let down the Internet.

Tucker moped around all morning wondering what to do until his dad told him not to worry. Not only would Tucker get even with his rapscallion brother, but he will do it by taking the high road. Instead of lambasting the actions of YHP, Tucker will leave the evidence of his cruelty to last for as long as the web is world wide. By showing what YHP did to him as a snapshot of his behavior, it will help build the character in the minds of all Tucker's friends. Tucker, it seems doesn't have to do a thing other than get back to being his buoyant and positive self.

Tucker likes the way that the Internet works, even when he is the victim of a cyber attack. He would rather go outside now, though. He has half a mind to get a nice stick and parade it past YHP to get him to chase him. YHP never gets the stick from his mouth. Ha ha.

Tucker Is the Smelly

I, Tucker, do hereby swear to say that I am the smelly dog in the house and I never take a bath and all the other dogs think I am a goofy faced doofis and could never be a kool as YHP who is so totally way more awesomer than I am and all the people love him and ladies like to give YHP more pets than Tucker because Tucker is smells.

Ha. In fact Tucker is so smelly that I am sad at this fact of his smellyness.

I hereby swear that this whole message has been written entirely by Tucker and meant to explain to the world how much more better my brother YHP the "King" is at being a good dog and smart too. Whereas I am so smelly I am kinda not as smart as nice YHP.

Viva la YHP!

Tucker on Tucker

Tucker claims that when he was born, angels themselves came down a ray of sunshine and handed candy to those present. Once cognizant of his new surrounding, Tucker then thanked the angels and those present and went off in search of adventure and mystery.

Unfortunately,he was quickly scooped up by the dog catcher and placed in foster care until his human family could come find him. And though dramatic, traumatic and full of plot holes as his story may be, Tucker is a bit quizzical about his humble origins. Or at least the genetic pool in which he learned to swim.

Starting with his mother, with her pretty face and soft hair, Tucker can tell that he is not exactly pure in the sense of breed. His mother has a wonderful heritage of Chinese (as exemplified by Tucker's Grandmother who is very nice to him and feeds him apples). But his mother is also part French- American (with a pinch of English and other stuffs) through her father. More importantly, Tucker's mother grew up in Southern California. Which means Tucker is obliged to listen contently to the dulcet tones of the Beach Boys and enjoy the beaches and warm weather.

Tucker's father, an incorrigible mutt himself, is a hodgepodge of genetic stew. A bouillabaisse of European origins, Tucker's father seems to have all the western holidays covered. Greek, Irish, French Canadian, possibly British and most likely Dutch and Danish, Tucker's father seems to relish in the warm glow of debate and mockery. His father also seems to take certain things very seriously, although most people don't seem to care about those same things. Tucker means to say very seriously, and not just saying it to be correct and stuff, yeesh.

But sometimes his mother takes stuff seriously that his father doesn't. This of course confuses Tucker as to what is the correct position on things. Tucker, being both celestial and cosmopolitan, has learned the great skill of picking and choosing how he feels about this. He learned this skill through his brother YHP. YHP doesn't seem to sweat the small stuff. Or anything at all. Small, inky black with a bow-tie patch of white and ready for a knife fight , YHP is more like his father in disposition than Tucker sometimes. But also sweet, patient and likened to fine grooming skills, YHP is a lot like his mother.

Tucker knows that those angels who dropped him on this planet meant for him to be a good kid. He only hopes he gets it right so his parents don't wonder if he is adopted or really theirs.

I Can Has Keys?

Tucker would like people to know that they shouldn't get him wrong. He likes snow and cold weather plenty. He likes chasing his sister around and stirring up YHP so he is a barky dragon. Tucker also appreciates the big yard his parents got him when they brought him to Maryland. He gets it, he's thankful.

But... When it gets cold and dark and Tucker's dad doesn't feel like playing outside with him so much, Tucker feels a little nostalgic for the good old days of Arizona and California. Those homes always seem to be sunny and fun in his memories. There were palm trees, pools, lizards and tennis ball time every day. And his parents didn't seem to work so much so they gave a lot more attention to him.

But like all things Tucker, his memories are cloudy and ephemeral, leading more of a sense of a thing than a tangible reality of that imagined thing. Yes, Tucker is deep with the philosophy. Deep enough to rather obliquely understand the correlative of good behavior on his part and happy times had by all, especially his obsessive parents. And the thing that Tucker is grasping now is how he was a good boy this summer and his parents brought him on a road trip. He liked it very much, and would like to return to a summer day at the lake right now. Even though it is December and his parents are at work.
So Tucker is thinking about how he chased tennis balls into the water, ran up and down the dock, took nice walks with his dad (who had cookie treats in his pocket for Tucker), and got to sleep in a nice cabin. he also got to meet a lot of his cousins and uncles and aunts and his grandparents. Some of these people even gave Tucker hotdogs to eat when his parents weren't watching. He liked this very much.

Tucker likes thinking about happy times while he falls asleep on his parents' bed in the middle of the day.

People I have Met Over the Course of My Life - Part 2

Tucker thinks the world of his mother. She was the first person to bathe him and trim the big fuzzy maw of his. She cleans his ears and furminates him good. Tucker likes the preening his mother tends to him. His life is that of a fancy lad sometimes.

Tucker also thinks his mother is very pretty, and has been corroborated on this fact by his siblings and his father. He looks at her daily with adoring eyes and wonders how he could be so lucky. Some of the other kids at the dog park are not so lucky when they are called by their parents. Tucker feels bad for them sometimes.

His mother also bakes him home made cookie treats and packs his kong nice and easy so he can get all the yummy peanut butter out. Tucker likes peanut butter. It tastes good and is good for him. He also likes it because YHP seems to have a hard time with peanut butter and keeps licking his gums. That makes Tucker laugh some of the times.

But what Tucker likes the most about his mother is that even though she may get mad at him for something silly he has done, he knows she still loves him. He knows that she will always be there to clean him off and kiss him and pet him and make him feel loved. And that makes him a happy dog every day.

People I have Met Over the Course of My Life - Part 1

This is the first in a series of profile pieces by Tucker that focus on the many people he has met over the course of his life. Tucker is a people person and a person pleaser. He likes being around people and having them around him.

To kick things off, this is a picture of Tucker's parents. He sees them pretty much most every day. He likes them because they are kind to him and feed him and give him things to put in his mouth like mail that he then romps around with until he mangles it...

What he likes most is the way his dad pats him on his head, as if to say, "That'll do Tuck, that'll do." His dad usually gets up early to let Tucker and his siblings out of the house in time to go the bathroom. Sometimes, though, it is not early enough. After going the bathroom, his dad lets Tucker inside and then lines him up on the threshold for the kitchen and prepares the breakfast. Every one of his siblings has his or her own food dish and Tucker likes to drool on the linoleum as he waits for his food.

Then his dad pads around all morning getting ready for work. Tucker follows him from one room to another. If his dad stops a minute, Tucker lays down and gets ready to take a nap. Sometimes, though, Tucker likes to walk up to his dad at the computer and paw at his side. This gets his dad to scratch his neck and pat his head. Then his dad goes away for the day to work in the salt mines.

When he returns, Tucker's dad plays with him and sometimes they play outside in their big yard. Then Tucker's dad lines him up with his siblings to feed him again. This time, though, his dad brushes Tucker's teeth. Tucker doesn't much like this but the toothpaste is yummy. After dinner, Tucker follows his dad from room to room and finally settles down when his dad picks a room to sit in for a period of time.

As you can see, Tucker has a pretty full day with his dad. Sometimes, Tucker's dad lets him up on the couch or on the bed. This is very nice because it means Tucker can see out the window or lord over his siblings.

Tucker is spending today hand-writing an ode to his mother before putting it on the computer. He believes his mother is the smartest and most beautiful woman ever and her post deserves a little more thought than someone as silly as his dad.

Anti-Reality

This morning, Tucker watched the big floats and balloons on TV despite the awful song and dance numbers that the TV people thought viewers might like. He liked seeing the big balloons careen through the steel and glass canyons of NYC. The entire display reminded him of a dream he had once where he could fly and then save puppies who cried out for help.

Following this show, however, the TV wanted to show Tucker something that made his head hurt and tummy ache. He could not understand why TV would care to show him the intimate details of boring people. Someone had put the channel on the show where people fought with each other to be good cooks, then they fought with each other to stay on an island, then to stay in a house, and then there were shows that made no sense at all. Some shows people just fought, shopped, then made up and rode around in expensive cars. These people were not particularly pretty or smart or interesting or even worth watching. But zippy music and off-screen shouts made the shows seem dynamic. This gave the illusion of purpose and intellect leading to an imagined sense of discovery. Tucker was not fooled. He thought the people in these shows, the people who make them, and the people who watch them need to spend more time doing real things. Interesting things. Like running through a pile of leaves. Or play a good game of "catch the stick out my mouth when I run by you" with their siblings until they are all winded and the parents call them inside to rest. Or Ninja Squirrel chasers.

Tucker thinks these shows not only lack imagination, but work to deaden the imagination and creativity of those who watch them. And this makes Tucker sad. He thinks that if people want something about real reality, then they should watch something like this that document how awful some kids have it and why people should open their homes and hearts more.

The holidays are always very exciting for Tucker. His parents are abuzz with chores and Tucker just wants to help. For example, when his mom gets out the big purple pushy thing and plugs it in, Tucker helps her by mashing dirt and leaves into the carpet after she finishes pushing it there.

Meanwhile his brother YHP sneaks downstairs and tries to eat the cat's food. And Chester Copperpots doesn't care because he is kinda lonely for friends so he lets YHP do it because it is like he is spending time with him. What a cat thing to think.

But what makes him sad is that his sister always seems to do something that gets her sent to bed for most of the day. Sure they all get wound up knowing it is something special that is happening, but his sister expresses her joy in somewhat destructive ways.

Just yesterday, Tucker's sister Dexter decided that it would be a good idea to taste test the muffins their mom made for dinner while the parents were away at work. Needless to say, Tucker's mom was not pleased to find all but 3 of the muffins gone and Dexter playing like she was innocent. And of course The Baron told his mom that he had absolutely nothing to do with the muffin heist.

Tucker, however, is on his best behavior now for the home stretch to Christmas. Making sure he doesn't ruin his chances for all the presents he has asked for this year.